Super Moms

It's at the end of the day already, but by golly I'm determined to give my tribute, as small as it may be, to all those hard-working, loving, genetically enhanced mothers out there.

Yes, you read correctly. It's a secret that few have ever discovered, and my own life might be in danger just revealing it to the world were it not for my own super mom to protect me. Here are just a few lesser known facts about the women in our lives.

1. Mothers can read minds--they always seem to know exactly what you're thinking, even when you're not thinking about it. The modern day polygraph tests were designed in classified labs from studying their brain waves.
2. Mothers have the awesome death stare ability--this is how all the scientists who performed the research mentioned above never lived to fully complete their work. Evidently it started a huge controversy over the proper use of powers at the time, and is why it is more commonly seen in its non lethal "evil eye" form today.
3. Mothers can see into the future--if ever you've wondered how your mom or spouse has been able to predict what you would do before you did it, now you know. Why do you think they always like to say "I told you so"?
4. Mothers can exhibit super strength--this is actually the most documented phenomenon. Moms have been witnessed lifting planes, trains, and automobiles off of endangered or injured children, and the occasional household pet.

So there it is folks. There are more mysteries surrounding these powerful sentient beings we call mom to be uncovered. But everything I've told you thus far is absolutely true, and is not--I repeat, NOT the product of a sleep deprived and paranoid mind. So even though I know you're all listening somewhere, and despite the fact that I know that you knew I was going to say this, Happy Mothers Day!!